Ok, so I know that “thinkful” is not a real word, but I’m sure I’m not the only one that has ever been told, “you think too much”. Guilty as charged.
I think about EVERYTHING… twice…and then rethink my way around that certain thought four more times before I’ve totally confused myself and don’t know WHAT to think anymore! I have always worried about what others think of me, what they say about me, if they agree/disagree with me, etc. I worry about other people’s feeling and comfort, a lot of times at the sake of my own. I worry that I’m not doing my job correctly, or efficiently, or effectively enough. Thinking and worrying has exhausted me over the years. It has allowed me to put myself in situations that I was not comfortable in, make decisions I am not proud of, and hurt people I truly care about.
Last November, when I first started thinking about doing a half marathon, I kept telling myself there was no way I could really do it. And if I did finish, my time would be nothing to brag about. I recruited one of my coworkers to train with me, so at least I would have someone to hold me accountable. During the training process, I had good days and terrible days. The terrible days were always days when I let my head do the running, instead of my feet. “You suck today”, “No way you can do this”, and “You are never going to finish this thing in under 2 hours” were constant thoughts, which would cause my legs and my breathing to begin to shut down. Running is absolutely a mind game for me. So you can imagine what my mind has done since making the goal to complete an Ironman.
First week of training, no problem…a couple of 3-5 mile runs, hour long bike rides, and an easy 8 miles to finish off the week. Week two was little more difficult, only because I started to have a sharp pain in the arch of my right foot. Every step hurt, walking or running. It took a lot to get my mind under control to finish 13 miles at the end of the week. My foot has started to feel better, so a 5 mile race on Thanksgiving Day sounded like a good idea. After the first mile, my mind began to tell me what an awful terrible idea it was. I had to fight every negative thought in my head to finish that race.
All of the negativity is born and fueled by fear and anxiety; fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of failure. After reading Steven Furtick’s, Sun Stand Still, I realized that we do not accomplish things because of OUR awesome faith in God, but God accomplishes things through us because of HIS awesome faithfulness to us. I used to pray prayers that would end with, “it’s in your hands now, God.” Thank God that is not the case. Thank God he does not leave us to try things on our own first. Thank God that everything is, was, and always has been in his hands. Thank God that he is in charge and no amount of thinking can change the plan he has for our lives. He will be running along side of me every mile. So in times of fearful thinking and through every step of training, I will choose to turn to God and be thankful that he is so faithful. I will choose to believe in and thank God for the impossible. I will take comfort in knowing that “Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:17). And I will begin to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)
“And I choose to believe that audacious faith enables me to seize the opportunity in my adversity. Seize the opportunity in my scarcity to wait for God’s unfailing provision. Seize the opportunity in my uncertainty to trust in God’s good purposes for me.”-Steven Furtick, Sun Stand Still
