Love...Peace...Joy

Love, peace and joy are the three words I would use to describe my Christmas this year.  I was completely overwhelmed with all three...over and over again this past week.  


There were so many things to worry or be anxious about at the start of the week.  I had not done ANY Christmas shopping (and I had no idea what to get anyone).  My legs were hurting...like insanely hurting...after my 17 mile run last Saturday, so I was told to take a week off of running and just stick to the bike.  My roommate was moving out, so the money situation was looking pretty tight.  Figuring out when we were going to get together for my family's Christmas time was not going very smoothly.  I was trying to fit way too much stuff into one week.
Nevertheless, I felt calm and super excited for Christmas...which is really weird for me.  I am usually a basket case of nerves. Worried about making everyone else happy, worried that people won't like their gifts, and worried that I'll stretch myself too thin financially.  


A normal Costley Christmas looked like this: Christmas at Grandaddy and Eileen's house one night, Christmas Eve candlelight service at Saxe Gotha, Waffle House (to leave the waitress a BIG tip), a trip to the Dunbar's house so Jackson and Delaney could visit "Santa", breakfast and opening gifts on Christmas morning before Michelle, Shawn and the kids left for New York, then out to the country for Christmas dinner at Granny's.


Things changed a little after getting married, but we were always back from Iowa in time for the "routine", or we would wait and go to Iowa after Christmas.  But last year and this year were completely different.  Last year, Christmas was lonely, sad and depressing.  Jason and I were separated, my family and I were still not back on track, and I had to work Christmas Eve.  To carry on the Waffle House tradition, I still went by myself after work.  I had a waffle and a cup of coffee, left a big tip and went home...alone.  I cried...A LOT last Christmas. Things were different and I didn't like it.


This year has been a whole different story.  Not because it was "a normal Costley Christmas".  In fact, it was kind of similar to last year.  I still had to work on Christmas Eve, so my family had already opened their gifts when I saw them Christmas morning.  My sister and the kids were leaving for New York, my brother was visiting a friend's dad in the hospital and my parents were going camping at the beach, so I was flying solo for Christmas dinner at Granny's.  Still sounds kind  of lonely, huh?  But this year I didn't feel that way.  There were definitely things to celebrate.  I was able to give much bigger than I had ever expected this Christmas because of how God has blessed me financially these past few months.  My sister and cousin came to a Christmas service at NewSpring (which was AWESOME) and then we had a great "cousin reunion" night together.  I was able to spend some time...eating, shopping, and serving...with some great new friends I've made over the last several months. I am dog sitting Apollo while Jason is in Iowa, so I've gotten to spend a lot of time lovin' on the pups...they even went to wish Grandaddy a Merry Christmas at the nursing home!  I was able to spend a lot more time at Granny's on Christmas day because I had no where else to be:)  


Driving home last night from Granny's, in the dark and rain, while listening to Sanctus Real and MercyMe and reflecting on the events from the past week, I started to cry, but this year it was a good cry.  God's presence and love completely filled me.  So what made this year different from last year?  My focus was somewhere other than plans and schedules, making family happy, presents, having someone special to share Christmas with, etc.  I was truly focused on the "reason for the season", Jesus Christ, and overwhelmed by how He has changed and shaped me this year.  I feel such a deeper love and appreciation for those around me.  I feel a much greater sense of gratitude for everything and everyone in my life.  I feel a much stronger urge to serve, give, and reach out to people that are less fortunate than me.  So thank you to everyone that has been a part of my life this year.  In one way or another, you have helped me become the person I am today. Merry Christmas:)


Looking forward to big things in 2012!


"God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes." ~ 2 Samuel 22:25 MSG

In The Meantime...

An Ironman in the spring of 2013 seems pretty far away, so I've made some smaller goals to work toward until then.  Not necessarily physical goals, but life goals.  Here are a few, not really in any particular order:


Myrtle Beach Marathon- February 18, 2011
National Board Certification information due- March 31, 2011
Take the GRE (ugh)- Sometime before March 31, 2011
Apply to Columbia International for Masters of Arts in Counseling- Applications due March 31, 2011
Pay off debt- Before August 1, 2011
Buy a house- Sometime in the next year
Mud Run- April 2011
Get more involved at church and in the community 
Remain single (and date free) for a year (October 21, 2011-October 21, 2012)


The last goal on the list may, or may not be, the driving force behind all of the others.  I don't know if I'm trying to distract myself or just trying to wear myself out so that I don't have time to think!  I just want to be ready, whenever the time comes...if the time comes, for whatever the future brings.  So in the meantime, even when I feel lonely, bored, or exhausted, I'll keep focused on challenging myself and giving more of myself to others so that everything else can just fall in to place.


"In the meantime, I praise God for giving me the possibility and the opportunity..." ~Pastor Mark Driscoll

You're Invited!

Don't have a church you call home?  Don't feel God moving in your heart or your life?  Feel 'stuck' in your faith and looking for something a little different? Well, you are officially invited..so come to the party!

I started attending NewSpring Church last November during a "Man vs. Wife" series.  I have changed, grown and served more in the last year than I did in the last 27 years combined.  We are currently in the middle of a series call "Come to the Party" in preparation for our upcoming Christmas services.  Every Sunday, I am challenged.  Every Sunday, I am encouraged.  Every Sunday, I feel motivated to do more. ...but it doesn't stop there.  Every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I feel the same way!  I have never experienced that feeling before.  Church used to be the thing to do on Sunday so that I would feel better about all of the mistakes I had made throughout the week. NewSpring has taken my view of church to a whole new level.  NewSpring's vision statement is, "NewSpring is a place where change takes place."  I can vouch for that through my own experience!!  There are 5 core values that each owner (aka member) tries to live by: 1) Found people find people (this post is me- a found person- trying to find you!) 2) Saved people serve people 3) Growing people change 4) You can't outgive God 5) You can't do life alone. 

You can't come to NewSpring and stay the same...I dare you to try!

So this is my official invitation to you to come try it out.  Come as you are...and if you're not quite ready to actually walk through the doors, watch online at www.newspring.cc/live.

Here are the service times:

See you at the party!!

Snooooooooze

I am not a morning person.  Actually, I'm not even an afternoon or evening person either.  I pretty much just like to sleep...A LOT...anywhere, anytime.  My first thought every morning is, "when do I get to go back to sleep?".  This morning I woke up (thanks to my dog, Slim) to find that I had apparently turned my alarm off and kept right on sleeping.  The clock said 7:22am and I am supposed to be at school, in my classroom, working by 7:45am.  It takes 20 minutes to get from my house to school.  Fantastic!  A whole 3 minutes to get ready!  At least it's Friday...


The snooze button, I'm convinced, was invented by the devil:).  It ruins me.  Daily.  Every night before I go to bed, I try to make a plan for the next morning.  I seriously have to give myself a pep talk.  I try soooo hard to convince myself that when I wake up I will be able to jump out of bed, start a pot of coffee, get my training out of the way for the day and get to work on time.  Here is what the conversation sounds like...


 Ok, the alarm is set for 5:15am.  When it goes off, you can hit snooze ONE time.  When you get up, you'll have 15 minutes to get dressed, let the dog out and stretch.  Your workout will take an hour.  Then you will have 40 minutes to get showered, dressed for work, make coffee, pack lunch, feed Slim and grab something for breakfast.  It will make the day so much easier because you won't have to worry about when you are going to fit in your run between school and Tombo, or after Tombo.  You'll have more energy throughout the day.  Getting up early is a good plan and you'll be thankful that you did it.  You might even have a little quiet time to journal or post on your blog before heading to work!


When the time comes in the morning to actually put the plan in action, I fall apart.  The alarm goes off and the conversation changes...


If you reset the alarm now for 5:45, you can roll out of bed and be running by 5:55.  You'll be done by 6:55.  You can start the coffee and put Slim in the yard while you shower.  Forget making lunch...just eat in the cafeteria today.  You worked late last night so you deserve to sleep in a little longer.  You know what, don't even worry about running this morning, you can run after you get off of Tombo tonight.  Go...back...to...sleeeeeep...


It always starts off by just hitting the snooze a few times, then resetting the alarm all together, and then sleeping later than I would have if I hadn't planned on running at all!  I don't feel any more awake after all of the interrupted sleep and I start my day off running behind.  Time management, especially when it involves sleep time, is not a strength for me at all.


Confession:  I missed a workout this week.  Wa wa waaaa.  I was supposed to get up and ride my bike for 45 minutes Wednesday morning, but the snooze button took over.   I had to work at Tombo Wednesday night, so I took my workout clothes with me and was going to go to the gym right after I got off of work.  I didn't end up getting off until 11pm and the gym was closed.  I'll still be able to get the ride in this week.  I just don't get a rest day this weekend.  I feel guilty for missing a day and having to rearrange workouts to fit it all in.  


In order to successfully train for this Ironman, I am going to have to go head to head with the snooze button.  So from this point on...NO MORE SNOOZING!  Pray for me...this is not going to be easy!


"Everything is permissible for me"-but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"-but I will not be mastered by anything. ~ 1 Corinthians  6:12

It Only Goes Up From Here

15 miles...DONE!  And it felt great!  


Not sure if you made it outside today, but you missed out if you didn't.  It was absolutely beautiful (well in SC it was:) ).  Now, I have official passed the point of half marathon training and moved into marathon training.  Days of 8-12 mile runs are over, the mileage only increases from here!  Thank you for your prayers and support.  If any of you get a wild hair and want to join me one day (for an easy 15-20 miles), I would love the company!!

"I go running when I have to.  When the ice cream truck is doing sixty." -Wendy Liebman

Garmin

I am closing in on week three of training and I am still alive and well!  That is something to celebrate!  This is what the week looked like:

Sunday- 2 mile warm up, 3 x 1 mile intervals at an 8:30 pace (my goal pace for the marathon)

Monday- Easy 3 miles

Tuesday- 5 miles, focusing on form (5 x 1 minute intervals at around 8:00 pace)

Wednesday- 1 hour 15 minutes on the bike 

Thursday- 5 miles, same as Tuesday

Friday- 45 minutes on the bike

....and looking forward to 15 miles to start week 4...OH MY.  Prayers are needed and appreciated!

So far, I feel great.  Some days are definitely better than others.  I did a face plant on the sidewalk yesterday...definitely falls in the category of "not one of my best runs". My ego, as well as my knees, took a big hit on that one!  But if you have ever met me or spent more than 10 minutes with me, you know that I am clumsy by nature, so falling is nothing new.  

One of my biggest issues is pacing.  I never feel consistent.  I am either running too fast to start off, or not fast enough.  My trainer, David Harvin, from The Edge Endurance Training Center in Greenville, SC is letting me use a Garmin GPS pacing watch to help me stay on target.  This thing is AWESOME!  You can set a virtual running partner at your target pace.  On the screen, it will show you how far you are ahead or behind the virtual partner.  It took some trial and error to get comfortable using it while I was running.  During one of the mile timed runs this week, I looked down and thought it said I was behind 27 secs...so I ran faster...and I was wrong.  It was saying that I was running 27 seconds faster than I should be.  Lesson learned -the labels "behind" and "ahead of" change!  Duh.  Anyway, now that I know that, it has been a lot easier to be consistent.  If I feel like I'm running too fast, all it takes is a quick glance down and I can get right back on track.  With GPS tracking, I can just start running with no direction in mind and make my own route as I go.  No more running the same boring route every week!  So convenient:)

Well, as far a my personal life goes, I have NOT felt on track for a while.  I am moving in the right direction now, but I have been through a lot of "the wrong direction" in the last few years.  I always had a desire for someone or something to help me make the right choice, to show me the right direction, to tell me if I was moving too fast or too slow.  Wouldn't that be nice?  No more questions or doubts, just a quick glance at something to set you on the right path.  

I had a little "ah-ha" moment during one of my runs this week.  God is the "Garmin" of my life.  He knows when I'm running a little too fast or when I'm not moving fast enough.  He knows the exact direction I am headed.  Time spent in His word each day is what keeps me on track and in line with His will and purpose for my life.  God's word, like the Garmin, has taken me some time to get comfortable with.  It was intimidating to me, but after using and studying it I have grown confidence in my ability to understand it as God intended.  Sometimes, I might glance down and misread the Garmin and sometimes I might not get things in life right the first time, but our gracious Father gives us a new beginning each day to try again until we get it right.  Allow God to be your Garmin and you will always end up running at exactly the right pace and exactly the right distance, no matter how many falls you may have along the way!

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.  "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." ~Lamentations 3:22-24

Thankful Instead of "Thinkful"

Ok, so I know that “thinkful” is not a real word, but I’m sure I’m not the only one that has ever been told, “you think too much”. Guilty as charged.

I think about EVERYTHING… twice…and then rethink my way around that certain thought four more times before I’ve totally confused myself and don’t know WHAT to think anymore! I have always worried about what others think of me, what they say about me, if they agree/disagree with me, etc. I worry about other people’s feeling and comfort, a lot of times at the sake of my own. I worry that I’m not doing my job correctly, or efficiently, or effectively enough. Thinking and worrying has exhausted me over the years. It has allowed me to put myself in situations that I was not comfortable in, make decisions I am not proud of, and hurt people I truly care about.

Last November, when I first started thinking about doing a half marathon, I kept telling myself there was no way I could really do it. And if I did finish, my time would be nothing to brag about. I recruited one of my coworkers to train with me, so at least I would have someone to hold me accountable. During the training process, I had good days and terrible days. The terrible days were always days when I let my head do the running, instead of my feet. “You suck today”, “No way you can do this”, and “You are never going to finish this thing in under 2 hours” were constant thoughts, which would cause my legs and my breathing to begin to shut down. Running is absolutely a mind game for me. So you can imagine what my mind has done since making the goal to complete an Ironman.

First week of training, no problem…a couple of 3-5 mile runs, hour long bike rides, and an easy 8 miles to finish off the week. Week two was little more difficult, only because I started to have a sharp pain in the arch of my right foot. Every step hurt, walking or running. It took a lot to get my mind under control to finish 13 miles at the end of the week. My foot has started to feel better, so a 5 mile race on Thanksgiving Day sounded like a good idea. After the first mile, my mind began to tell me what an awful terrible idea it was. I had to fight every negative thought in my head to finish that race.

All of the negativity is born and fueled by fear and anxiety; fear of the unknown, fear of the future, fear of failure. After reading Steven Furtick’s, Sun Stand Still, I realized that we do not accomplish things because of OUR awesome faith in God, but God accomplishes things through us because of HIS awesome faithfulness to us. I used to pray prayers that would end with, “it’s in your hands now, God.” Thank God that is not the case. Thank God he does not leave us to try things on our own first. Thank God that everything is, was, and always has been in his hands. Thank God that he is in charge and no amount of thinking can change the plan he has for our lives. He will be running along side of me every mile.  So in times of fearful thinking and through every step of training, I will choose to turn to God and be thankful that he is so faithful. I will choose to believe in and thank God for the impossible. I will take comfort in knowing that “Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” (2 Corinthians 4:17). And I will begin to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5)

“And I choose to believe that audacious faith enables me to seize the opportunity in my adversity. Seize the opportunity in my scarcity to wait for God’s unfailing provision. Seize the opportunity in my uncertainty to trust in God’s good purposes for me.”-Steven Furtick, Sun Stand Still

The Official First

So, this is officially my first blog post.  I have already backspaced, typed, backspaced, retyped, and backspaced again 13 times...so please be merciful, as this is my first attempt at blogging.  Here it goes...

In the last two years, my life has been completely turned upside down: marriage...followed by divorce, broken family relationships, financial stress, inadequate feelings related to my job as a teacher, a roller coaster ride of dating relationships (some made difficult because the other party/some made difficult by me), and an unavoidable appetite (ok, those of you who know me are allowed to laugh at this word choice) to seek something bigger than myself and my circumstances.

I'll save you all the details and just get straight to the point.  In the last year, I have moved from calling myself a Christian to becoming an actual follower of Christ.  I started attending NewSpring Church in Irmo, SC, became an owner (member) there, began serving on the greeting team, was baptized and started a small group with some AMAZING ladies that are supporting me, holding me accountable, and encouraging me as I grow in my relationship with Jesus Christ.  There is still so much I don't know...I can learn more...grow closer.

I also started running again and made a goal in November of 2009 to run a half marathon.  After 12 weeks of 5:45am runs in 18-30 degree weather, I completed my first half marathon on February 5, 2009.  The weather was not on my side that day...COLD and raining.  And when I say raining...I don't mean a sprinkle.  It was more like a monsoon.  By the end of the race, the road was completely covered in water and we were practically swimming the last 3 miles.  Nevertheless, my goal was 2 hours and my official finish time was 1:56:44.  I am happy that I achieved my goal, but I know I can get better...run faster...run longer.

So that leads me to this blog.  I've made a new goal, well two actually: 

1) To learn to "Be still and know that He is God" (Psalm 46:10) and trust that he is working all things together for my good and His glory

2) Complete a full Ironman Triathlon (2.4 mile swim, 112 mile bike, 26.2 mile run) in the spring of 2013

Is it possible to be still and keep running?  Over the next year and a half, I will fill you in on the good, the bad, and the ugly of my growing faith in Jesus Christ and my training toward a goal that, without Him, would seem impossible.

"Now to him who is able to do more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory..." Ephesians 3:20-21